Life After Colin

We brought home Colin in February of 1998. I actually can't believe I waited that long after buying our first house that summer. I missed having a pet. Barry wasn't all too thrilled about the idea, and Tony was nervous...he had never had one. We got him from the Mondovi Humane Society...we picked him out at PetCo, were they do weekend adoptions. For the entire half hour ride home, Colin said nothing. But as we came over the hill into Mondovi, a Colin Raye song came on the radio, and Colin started "singing". Hence the name, Colin.

I've been thinking this week about the most difficult events that I've dealt with in my adult life. I believe the top ones are giving birth (twice), watching Chewy get hit by a car and killed (while very pregnant with Erin), the loss of Barry's mom, making the decision to homeschool, and the ER visits my kids made. Maybe it's because this one is so fresh, but I believe this one tops the charts. Not only did I lose my boy, and suffer the weeks of providing hospice care, knowing he could go at any time, but then I had to make the decision to take his life. I prayed like mad that God would do it for me, peacefully in his sleep. But no. I was forced to make the decision to take the life of one that I loved. I pray that I never have to do it again.

About an hour before Dr. Margaret came to the house, I stopped working and forgot about school, just to spend some quality one-on-one time with Colin. He wasn't in the mood to cuddle, so we watched birds and squirrels out the window, and I took him outside where he loved to explore and eat grass.

The vet called to ask if I still wanted Dr. Margaret to come? Yes. She'd be a little late due to a surgery. Then Colin drank a bunch of water...a first in a few days. I asked God, "Are you trying to tell me I'm doing the wrong thing? Should I back out?" Immediately, Colin vomited up all of the water. No. I had to go on.

Dr. Margaret was wonderful. She patiently explained everything to the girls. After giving him the shot that would just put him to sleep, she waited outside. I held Colin in my arms as we all said goodbye. I honestly felt my heart breaking into a million pieces. I'm crying now, again, but know that I need to relive it to heal. The girls cried, but it helped us all to know he was going to heaven. Then she came back to give the final shot. I swear that even when she confirmed he was gone, I could still feel him purring. He was like that...patient and happy. He was also proud and strong...very strong. And I hated to see him so sick and weak, unable to enjoy his last days.

We buried him in the garden, where we can visit when we miss him. And we will. I must say, the kittens, Zach and TJ are doing well to fill some of the emptiness left by Colin. There's new life here bouncing off the walls...and knocking down plants...and keeping us awake.... But life is good, especially after death. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.....

So, in honor of my boy, Colin, one last photo tribute. These pictures were taken on his last day.



And here are the youngens, already pals with Cassie. She's such a loving and patient dog. Well, except for walk and dinner times......

And thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. During the rough times over the last couple of weeks, I was reminded about the great friends I have, and how much you mean at times like this. Thanks!