By Grace Alone

Why a blurry school bus picture???

Well, you see, as a kid, whenever I'd stay home from school (due to sickness, or what my mom called much-needed "mental health days") I'd feel so guilty and regretful when that bus passed by. Was I really sick enough to be home? What was I missing? How far behind would I be? And then in high school, add to that guilt the pressure from missing basketball or volleyball practice. Seriously, people, I didn't even skip class in college! Once a geek always a geek, I guess. But I digress.

I became a mom. And all too soon I was putting my first little girl on that bus. And I cried. Then pretty soon, there were two on the bus. It took me 4 1/2 years of kids on the bus for me to finally have the courage to bring them home (for reasons that I won't get into now). But as I'd watch that bus go by each morning, I'd wonder, was I making the right decision? Would I ruin my kids? It was the same old guilt...the same fear I'd end up regretting this decision.

I still have days of questioning. But now, each day, as I sit over my Bible in the quiet before the kids awake, I thank God that my girls are NOT on that bus. They are home with me...where they belong. Where God has called me to keep them. And I am thankful. And humbled...that He has entrusted me with these precious lives.

And then the precious ones awake, and before long I'm wishing I would have put them on the bus. I might even threaten to put them on it tomorrow! :) Some days are bad days. Really bad. With the words from Ann at Holy Experience, whom I admire greatly,

"Raising your own flesh and blood is this exercise in seeing how dirty your flesh is and how dire you need the blood of Christ. "

It is by grace alone that I'm forgiven of my sins. My mistakes. And it is by His grace that I am entrusted with these precious souls, day after day. And it is by His grace that tomorrow I'll do better. It is through His grace that the bus goes by each morning, just to remind me...